27 September 2011

Fiction aside.

Everyone has something they are looking for in a relationship. Even when people get married, they have an idea of what they expect from their partner. Some expectations are realistic, others far from it. More often than not, people get into marriage expecting Prince Charming to remain just that and live happily ever after, no obstacles involved.

Growing up, I read with zest so much romantic fiction that it begun to look real. I mean, in the mind of a young girl, the story of Cinderella only serves to evoke visions of an out-of-this-world experience in the arms of the Prince. I took the story in, all of it including the pumpkin bit. You see, most fiction that young girls read tends to overlook the part about working at the relationship and any flaws involved and concentrates more on the happily ever after. Thus the idea of what is involved in a relationship only presents half-cooked.

Back to reality. Any relationship is hard work. Even having a healthy one with the kids is loads of work. How much more one that is more intimate. I have been listening to young ladies cry for love. I get to listen to their expectations and what concerns me it the fact that most of them are not willing to work at it. They mostly want to meet a self-made man who has made it in life and theirs is to partake of the sweat of that dude. Well, if that happens the better. But more often than not this man will be married to another.

What concerns me is the fact that most people nowadays want ready made everything. God in his wisdom ordained it that one has to work for anything. All that comes to us by any other source is bound to crumble at some point. Labour is just part of the deal. It is what makes it all worthwhile. We tend to take for granted anything that we have not worked for since it comes to us the easy way. Forgeting this. Easy come, easy go.

And so anyone who feels ready to get into a relationship should prepare for all that goes with it. That way, it will come as no surprise when dude prefers to spend some time with his mates watching a game of football. And she spends a whole day at the salon just getting pampered and having some 'me' time her own way. There need to be some form of independence in any relationship otherwise one partner could end up gasping for air.

Time is of great value in a healthy one. With the passing of time, what bothered us about the other slowly fades. And there is understanding. Especially of things that cannot change about one another. And so the issue of the toilet seat does not bother us as much. Or how to squeeze out the toothpaste. We have adjusted to sleeping like a baby amidst the snoring too. Little things, really. Although it may not have seemed so at the beginning.

And so lessons in patience for our young ones are in order. They could serve to sift real life expectations from fiction. In turn this could save a generation. One that seems to view marriage as such a tall order and a loss of identity. Instead they could view it as it was made to be. A union of two imperfect individuals who work at moulding each other until they eventually fit in together. And this takes time and patience mostly. And a lot of dedication to the cause.

Perhaps if the benefits are pointed out it might be more appealing. After all the work put into a marriage relationship, there are is benefits. Companionship being top of the list. So also comes well adjusted children. With an experience of growing up with two involved parents. From who they can learn how to do the same in turn. Thus the chain continues. Of people who are willing to work at relationships. And do not shirk the effort involved. Rather look at it as a stepping stone to fulfilment.
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