02 September 2011

Battle of the sexes

It seems everywhere you look nowadays men are fighting to retain their status and women are fighting for theirs too. The family scene is the most obvious in the scenario. More women, by virtue of their financial independence are now willingly taking over the affairs of the family much to the chagrin of their men.

Their is a divine order for the sexes. I believe all religions agree on this too. That the man is the head of the family. For a good reason too. Men make more rational decisions because they focus long term. Women, on the other hand make more rushed decisions. Women are more emotional and that's how God intended it. For a woman to be a leader in the home but more on matters of emotions.

A new born child knows that he gets sustenance from mother. He grows up looking at his father as the strong one in the home by virtue of his size (and booming voice?) but knows that he can run to mother when he is hurt and in need of reassurance. He can also get anything he wants from his father through his mother. It is mother that will pick him up when he falls and hurts himself. She is most likely the one that will take him for the visits to the Doctor and soothe him later. Even in discipline matters it is mother that will softly sit him down to explain the consequence of his misdeeds after punishment.

On the other hand, the man takes up the difficult tasks in the home. It is him that needs to fix the broken tap. He is responsible of all the menial jobs and if he cannot do them has to find a way of having them done. It is better for him if he can fix basic stuff though. He is the one that will move the heavy furniture around when wifey desires a new look in their living room.

It upsets the set standards when either of the two try to take up the role of the other. And often leads to conflict between the them. Some times it is best to just flow with it. But that is fast changing. More and more women are asking for more on their plate. And getting it. The only problem with this is that what this means is that we have more exhausted mothers at hand. From juggling demanding jobs to running high-charged families in modern day setting. What this means is that the woman is too stretched to sit down and genuinely listen to her child at the end of a demanding day leave alone find some quiet time with cubby. Even time to offer guidance to the help on the running of the home is limited.

We are fast becoming a 'fast' community. The faster an issue is dealt with the better. And it is spreading to relationships too. Every where we are looking for a quick fix. So that anything that does not work for us is quickly replaced because we cannot afford to waste time on it. And so a man who will not fulfil his role in the home is fast tagged as inadequate. And a woman that cannot cook the way his momma did is not well trained. Suffice to say, every role requires some experience. Momma did not become an excellent cook overnight.

It takes a wise couple to allow each other to grow into their individual role. Given, after sweating it out trying to fix the cooker the first time cubby will do a better job next time. And so with the wifey's home making abilities. They can only get better with time and encouragement from cubby. As opposed to each comparing the other with someone who not only has experience at hand but several bruises and burns to show for it.

In the long run, no one looses in the relationship. Each is so busy battling with their God-given roles to even think of trying their hand in the other's. Which leads to fulfilment at the end of the day in knowing that they not only did their part but also gave their significant other a chance to perform what is rightfully their duty.

It is said that behind every successful man is a woman. This is not to say that all a woman does is just sit back and watch him make it. The wise woman will continue to offer the necessary emotional back up to her man. She will do all that she can to bring out her man's capabilities to the fore. How she does that is as individual as all families. Sometimes back breaking, sometimes easier. And she will be rewarded in enjoying the fruit of her labor. Success comes in different forms. Could be in material or in bringing out the good in a person so that they are able to do their best. At whatever level.

The man on the other hand will have a fulfilled wifey when he has done all that he can to support her. It is even better when he recognises her soft strength and learns to draw from her wisdom. Given, God gave the woman that sixth sense for good reason. It is so that she can use it to give counsel to her family and so that she can know when to take up issues that are beyond her to the right place. On her knees. An awesome task if you ask me. But equally rewarding.

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