04 July 2011

Leave

For the past three weeks I was on leave. I needed to get away from the office so much so that on the day I actually did leave I did not find time to even say goodbye to some. I had it all schemed up. The way I was going to spend my leave lazing around, clearing a backlog of unwatched movies and cooking for my family. And yes I did subject them to some amazing recipes which we all enjoyed trying out. You see, days, even weeks to my leave had seen me research for ways to keep my family happy. Everything from making special meals to spending quality time together. It was actually a very good time to touch base with my loved ones.
The first week was spent compensating for lost sleep and rediscovering the television. It was a good time to catch up with exciting episodes of Dr phil. I did learn a valuable one from one such episode in particular that made me look at life differently.
It was one on mending marriages. He was addressing issues that affect marriages. Several couples were each given a chance to talk out on the issues that make them unhappy in marriage. As usual the ladies went on about their hubbies not having time for them, not reaching out to help them and generally there was a feeling of being taken for granted. The revelations from the men were more of a shocker to me. I sat there, listening to all four of them plead with their wives for more physical loving. One actually had tears in his eyes as he said it. And that's when I realised just how important that part of the deal is to them dudes. And they suffer in silence!
I wondered, why cant men just speak up? I mean, if something is so important to me I will find a way of expressing it to my patner. But then Dr phil made the point that so many ladies withhold love from their spouses without knowing just how much it hurts them. Withholding. It made even more sense when I watched the movie that everyone had talked about but had not had a chance to see. Fire proof. It is a whole eye opener in itself on the way the two sexes express the desire to get close up to each other. Of course the ladies talk to their friends about almost everything  while the men withhold and hurt inside. Until they experience something that shakes them so much they actually come up talking.
I believe it is a stereotype. That men should not show their emotions openly. And I believe that it is not such a bad thing all together. I mean, when I was a new mum and cried when the baby fell sick, I would have been disheartened if hubby actually sat by and cried with me! And so it is not so bad that men withhold their feelings and ladies talk too much about stuff. It is good when both the two learn to read the language of that silence in their partner that holds so much or disregard the emotional wife who afterall just wants to get her hubbys' attention by whatever means she knows how, wrong or right.
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